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How to Find an Orthodox Christian Wife in 2020 – some tips for David

Hello David

First of all, I want to give you an advice regarding your frank openness to how you are trying to find a wife and what you want from a wife. But the advice I will give you is not only related to this issue – you can apply it in all your videos: do not put all your heart on the table and keep some closed. It’s an exercise we all need to do sometimes and I will explain why. First, I want to remind you that there is a prayer after we get the Holy Communion: “for I will not speak of the mystery to Thine enemies” [source]. It took me a while to understand this, since it is a contradiction: why should we not talk about our experience and our encounter with God? Knowing what to say, when to say and whom to say it is the most difficult task on the earth, since we need to have a clean heart in order to be filled with Holy Spirit and get guidance from Him. Therefore sometime we need to exercise restraint and keeping part of the secrets under a veil is recommended.

Fr. Paisie Olaru once said: “do not belive all that you hear, do not do all that you can, do not tell all that you know and do not give all that you have“. This was a frequent advice to many people that he would repeat. Doesn’t this seems a bit … unorthodox? Not at all, since christians must always be in sniper mode, looking for the enemy and trying not to fall in his net.

I have no idea if all that I said so far makes any sense to you, so I will only say that what we speak and what we put out must be the overflow of the best of what we have to give. Our fruits for our brothers must be ripe and tasty. Also, restraint in being less open in regards with your personal life is neccesary, so that you can allow the mistery to manifest.

And the last thing I want to point is that your chances to find an orthodox wife might get lower if she will not like to have a husband that is so open. I know your ex-girl friend did not belive in your mission, but whatif there is a girl out there that marks all your points, accepts and maybe embraces your mission but is terrified that you might end up telling the world too much of your future life?

Now a bit about finding a wife. Finding a wife in 2020 (a good wife, per your requirements) is just as hard as finding a wife in 2010 and probably as in any other year. The reasons are clear: we live in the end of times (or times as satanic as the end of times) and there are fewer people that are interested in salvation than in any other age. But christians have always been “out of the world”. I am sure you are aware of The Epistle of Mathetes to Diognetus – Chapter 5. The manners of the Christians.

I do not have a particular advice in regards with the process of finding a wife. I want to tell you that you are on the right track on not being obsessed over it, but I have a bad news: you’ll either not get married and get back to being obsessed or you’ll get marry and see that things are not as great as you thought they would be. Getting maried is not like the next bullet you need to mark as done. I have a feeling from watching you that you are very sistematic and ordered and being young (30’s are still pretty young) you have lots of energy and you feel this urge to make this move considering it is the time. Indeed, we need to accomplish the right thing at the right time. Indeed, God’s willing, we’ll be able to overcome delays and have a new beginning. But most important is to forge our weapons for the fight with our enemy. The only right state of mind for a christian is: “If if die now, I will go to Hell. Therefore, I must repent urgently”. We are in a constant war. Each victory will only bring us in front of greater battles and each defeat will make us weaker and we will have to start again from the beginning.

Saying it’s a lot easier than doing. I know you have your mind set and you feel right in your search and in your mission. Feeling right is a good sign, but always leave some room for question marks. Reading too much about marriage and about how a God loving family should be will only give you false hopes that are very far away from the crude reality of a nation under war. Because, we christians are in a big war today and if we do not feel it we are already dead.

With all that said, I do not want you to feel that I do not agree with marriage and that I condemn you for trying to find an orthodox wife with all your requirements. Just please always remember that marriage is only a test for us, an eternal life-or-death test: we will have to give our live fully to a stranger we meet on some app or somewhere else (that you will know for mostly 1-2 years) and there is no exit if things go south. You will need to remain a christian even if your future half will turn into a devil. Once you swear in front of God, there is no turning back. So, caution is not only recommended but there is no sufficient amount or caution one can take before marriage. Why is that? Because no matter the caution you take, the risk is almost the same always. Since the succes of a marriage depends on both man and wife and since both of them are dynamic beings and change in time, there is no amount of must-haves you can get checked out and be sure that you make the right choice.

I am not telling you all these to scare or to derail you. I only want to signal you not to waste to much energy on searching and focus all your energy on building a strong character, having a fruitful life in the place where you are now and living each day as you would only have to live for one more year. Seeing death always in the front of our eyes is always a good exercise and putting our life fully in the hand of God is the only way to stay afloat in these turbulent waters.